We had decided to adopt again.
It was time to expand our family...To double our love.
And just as we started to put ourselves out there
we got a phone call.
Rio's birth mother (our angel) was pregnant and wanted us again.
She was due February 24th.
It was as if the moon and stars had aligned once again
to bring this person back into our lives.
I feel like the skies open up and she appears in our lives.
As if we're connected somehow.
I mean, how bizarre is it that at the exact moment in time
when we were ready to adopt again
She's ready to give birth again -
surely to another divine being.
But it quickly went downhill.
A potential birth father decided to be full of pride.
And I get it.
She wants it all.
She wants the guy, the family, the stability, the life full of love.
I wish it for her every day.
It's just too bad it leaves us with a broken heart for what could have been.
But it was never ours to begin with.
"And we've lost the people we could have loved, and you...
It's bound to melt your heart."
--Jenny Lewis
I just went on that roller coaster with you. I got chills and thought I was about to type a congrats comment with approximately a bazillion exclamation points, then I got tears in my eyes for the loss of what could have been.
ReplyDeleteWe very much would like to expand our family and don't know that it will happen. But the idea of going through those ups and downs again is daunting.
My fingers are tightly crossed that the right baby comes into your life soon.
thanks, Sara. I know you understand.
ReplyDeleteBut we both know that when it happens it is meant to be and it's awesome!
i know you look at that little face the same way i look at my little one's face...with more awe and appreciation than anyone could know.
and you wonder if you could ever get so lucky again. at least i do.
just sucks that we have no control of our own family, you know?
I'm with Sara... I was reading this and my eyes were welling up with tears of excitement. I was so excited for you, and then so crushed as well.
ReplyDeleteI hope it works out brilliantly for her, and especially for the baby... I really really do.
But I also hope you soon get that addition to your family you so deserve!