Fuzzy Blue Lights

Before we adopted, I spent hours combing the internet in search of the adoptee's perspective.
I wanted to be sure that I wouldn't be hurting the very being I would give anything for.
I still worry.
I know that she is loved beyond belief. I know that she is treasured even more for being such a miracle.
I know that it feels as if she came directly from me.

But that's my perspective.
Right now, I can see we share that. She feels the same way.
She's happy.

But I'm always afraid that'll change.
As new babies enter the family, as remarks are made about who they resemble, as she starts to notice that we may not resemble one another.
I'm always afraid that she'll get a sinking feeling.
That she'll feel displaced.
That for just a second she'll feel unhappy about her life.

I will always honor her feelings and I let her know every single day
how special she is to me.
I'll just keep looking at the light that surrounds her.
It's amazing.
And I'm sure she'll see it too.

You Are The Everything

19 years ago I met this guy.
It was the summer before my junior year of high school.
I was smitten.
I called my mom and told her that I met the guy I was going to marry.
Crazy, right?
We've always considered ourselves lucky to have met so early in life.
He's my best friend and he's the most affectionate person
I've ever known -
and I love affection.
Well...I love him.
Happy 16th Anniversary, Maestro!

Our Wedding Song:
"You are here with me
You are here with me
You have been here and you are everything"
--R.E.M.

Life's Too Good - Birthday

Rio - 2 days old

Rio - 1 year old

First morning of her third year

To my baby doll:

You truly are the light of my life.
You make me laugh and smile and cry
and hug and kiss and tickle and play...
get down on the ground to see the "gugs"
or fall to the ground after ring around the rosy.
I kiss the "boo boo" on your toe (at your insistence) no matter where the actual injury occurred.
I happily help you out whenever you're stuck - "Ma! I dah ducks!"
I love how you are almost always dancing and
of course, with jazz hands!
Your favorite songs are Dinner Bell and When I Hear Music
but you'll dance to anything.
I love how you tell people to "shhhhh" whenever anyone is sleeping. You make sure they won't be disturbed.
You love fish, balloons, animals, books, the moon and stars, babies, and water most of all.
If there is a drip of water on the ground, you are trying to swim in it. You are a water baby through and through.
You currently love to say "Oooooh noooo, das a mess!," or
"Come me! Cat! Come me!"
You love to learn and know your letters, numbers, shapes,
colors, and animals.
You can read a lot of words and love to read books
to mommy or yourself.
You are super cuddly and always have to be holding my hand. We've considered trying to find a prosthetic hand to give you
when I'm driving or am unavailable.
You are the sweetest thing I've ever known and you changed my life immeasurably.
I hope you will always give group hugs, butterfly kisses,
and hearty laughs.

I love you, chickadee. Happy Birthday!

"She lives in this house over there
Has her world outside it
Grapples in the earth with her fingers and her mouth
She's {two} years old

Today is her birthday
They're smoking cigars
He's got a chain of flowers
And sews a bird in her knickers
Ohhh... "
--Sugarcubes

Making Love Out Of Nothing At All

I know just how to whisper

And I know just how to cry
I know just where to find the answers
And I know just how to lie

I know just how to fake it
And I know just how to scheme
I know just when to face the truth
And then I know just when to dream

I know when to pull you closer
And I know when to let you loose
And I know the night is fading
And I know the time's gonna fly

And I'm never gonna tell you
Everything I gotta tell you
But I know I gotta give it a try

And I know the roads to riches
And I know the ways to fame
I know all the rules
And I know how to break 'em
And I always know the name of the game

But I don't know how to leave you
And I'll never let you fall
And I don't know how you do it
Making love out of nothing at all

Every time I see you all the rays of the sun
Are streaming through the waves in your hair
And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes
Like a spotlight

Making love, Out of nothing at all
--Air Supply

Friday I'm In Love

Love is in the air - the frigid air that is currently full of raindrops instead of sunshine,
but I won't dwell.
I love Valentine's Day.
I love the fact that I have people in my life who keep my heart beating.
I count my lucky stars every morning when I get woken up
with kisses and hugs
from
him and her.
I smile every night when I go to sleep with cuddles
and
legs that warm my feet.
I am thankful for love.